Furamo

stories about this and that

My friend mentioned that someone he knows had their kid run around so awfully carelessly, with their mouth open, that the kid ended up with a door handle up their throat. Had to get lots of internal stitches and shit.

I thought – yeaah… Kids sure are stupid. They’re not really aware of the consequences of their actions.

But then I also realized – adults are just as stupid, just in different ways. And keep injuring themselves and those around them in their stupidity.

Like me. I don’t run around with my mouth open, but my mouth is a problem regardless.

And I end up with a door handle up my throat.

Not physically, but metaphorically.

I keep getting a door handle stuck up my throat and requiring stitches in my relationships.

But it’s okay, I’m kinda used to it.

Have you, my dear reader, injured yourself or someone you love recently because you are too dumb?

Yes?

Don’t worry, that’s normal. Just be sure to take / give some Ibuprofen, that’ll make it hurt less.

I randomly remembered I had a specific song as my phone’s ringtone like 15 years ago. The memory made me nostalgic, made me miss that song, and I wanted to set it as my ringtone again.

I didn’t remember much about the song. But after feeding a bunch of vague memories I had of it to ChatGPT, it managed to find me a trail that led to the correct YouTube video.

One of the top comments on that video is:

Imagine seeing a grown man wearing a black suit with a serious face entering the bus and then his phone rings and you hear this

I wondered – did the person who wrote that comment see me on a bus years ago? Or was that song that popular as a ringtone?

Anyway, now it’s my ringtone again. You are welcome to give me a phone call, so I can listen to it.

Normally when I go to sleep, or just close my eyes I see all kinds of moving images pop up in front of my eyes. I call them “the Cartoons”. I can tell how sleepy I am by the Detail Level of the Cartoons – if they only have simple geometrical shapes, I’m not likely to sleep soon. But if they instantly are super detailed and have complicated movements and maybe there are even some sounds too – then I’ll know I’m as good as asleep.

An object I commonly use in a Cartoon is a fork – I rotate it in my head, move it around, and see what happens. If the Cartoon Detail Level is high enough, the fork might start doing some weird things, flipping around, transforming into something else.

I can let the fork go – just sit back and watch how it evolves and changes into other objects in the Cartoon. Or I can modify it directly myself, purposefully adding more complexities to it. Both ways usually end up with the Cartoon Detail Level increased after a while.

When I am already hearing sounds and even spoken sentences there – I’ll know the Cartoons did their job and soon the pictures and sounds will convert to a dream without me realizing it.

Now today, I had a lot of accumulated stress and I just really wanted to escape from it, escape from my consciousness. So I dug out the box of prescription sleeping pills I’ve had for god knows how long. I hadn’t dared use them before, because they were supposed to instantly knock you out, and that sounded dangerous to me. But today, at this moment, escaping my stress seemed a bigger issue that the unknowns of what taking the pill will do, so I took one.

The first 30 minutes after taking the pill I noticed no change. I was thinking – were the pills expired? Do they even do anything? But finally it kicked in. The trip.

My body started to feel like it is levitating off the bed. Surfaces around me in the room also look a bit like they are moving. Walking around and typing on the keyboard as I am currently doing the movements are a bit uncoordinated. The mouthfeel, and the aftertaste – as most psychoactive and many other drugs have – you know – the weird feeling in your mouth and airways , weird taste in your mouth, for the entire duration of the trip – those for this one, well, they feel a bit soft and cloudy, but not in a heavenly way but soft like the pillow would feel in a mental institution. So not the best.

But now, the Cartoons – here is where I saw most profound changes. Normally, the Cartoon shows me a small object, which moves quickly – spins around, etc. But with these pills my whole range of vision was filled with ultra-large, abstract objects, that move slowly, almost carefully, shaking a bit as they move.

Another funny thing about the Cartoons – now they even persist after I open my eyes and keep moving about. And I can wave them away with my hand.

And the hallucinatory background music – you would expect that your subconscious feeds you some songs you have heard too many times, but not now – the pills made my brain create completely new, original music for the background music. But as I have no experience in music, the outcome was quite pathetic.

Now that I wrote all this down, will I fall asleep too thanks to these marvelous pills? Let’s see.

For some reason, every good time is like getting drunk for me. Being intoxicated by the fun is amazing, but there is always a hangover waiting, looming behind the passing of some time.

Whenever I enjoy myself, it is always counterbalanced by some random pain soon after.

So I never get to just chill out endlessly in bliss.

It always ends.

And then the pain returns. Maybe not exactly the same pain as the last time, but there will be pain. For sure.

I am grateful for this cycle of pain and pleasure.

I have already grown used to the pain. And just like you can get used to the pain, which will dull it, you can also get used to the pleasures, which will also render them less perceptible.

So since the fun always ends soon enough, I won’t get used to it.

And it will feel like the best fun I ever had, every single time.

Yesterday I went to this huge video games event, with hundreds or even thousands of people attending – to demo the game I am making.

The event organizers provided me with a table, 2 chairs and a PC and the rest was up to me.

I brought a friend along to manage the desk with me.

I met a dozen other friends and acquaintances at the event.

Most of the time someone was playing my game at our table and people seemed to like it.

I gained a few wishlists on Steam.

Just like in my game the player’s resources are “physical energy”, “social energy”, “mental energy”, etc, and they run out at the end of the day:
Those resources of my own also ran out after 10 hours of socializing there.

But it was fun.

I guess.

Maybe.

(I decided that I would write a blog post about the event but I was not inspired at all to make the post more literature-like)