Furamo

stories about this and that

For some reason, every good time is like getting drunk for me. Being intoxicated by the fun is amazing, but there is always a hangover waiting, looming behind the passing of some time.

Whenever I enjoy myself, it is always counterbalanced by some random pain soon after.

So I never get to just chill out endlessly in bliss.

It always ends.

And then the pain returns. Maybe not exactly the same pain as the last time, but there will be pain. For sure.

I am grateful for this cycle of pain and pleasure.

I have already grown used to the pain. And just like you can get used to the pain, which will dull it, you can also get used to the pleasures, which will also render them less perceptible.

So since the fun always ends soon enough, I won’t get used to it.

And it will feel like the best fun I ever had, every single time.

Yesterday I went to this huge video games event, with hundreds or even thousands of people attending – to demo the game I am making.

The event organizers provided me with a table, 2 chairs and a PC and the rest was up to me.

I brought a friend along to manage the desk with me.

I met a dozen other friends and acquaintances at the event.

Most of the time someone was playing my game at our table and people seemed to like it.

I gained a few wishlists on Steam.

Just like in my game the player’s resources are “physical energy”, “social energy”, “mental energy”, etc, and they run out at the end of the day:
Those resources of my own also ran out after 10 hours of socializing there.

But it was fun.

I guess.

Maybe.

(I decided that I would write a blog post about the event but I was not inspired at all to make the post more literature-like)

I just got a new haircut. Half my head is nearly hairless.

It is a look that has always appealed to me. In high school I used to shave half my head clean and various random jerks on the street who didn’t like my unusual hair wanted to start a fight. Now the society has probably evolved enough that I won’t have problems like that.

If you look at me from one side, I look completely different than from the other side.

Like:

A couple of times lately I’ve been asked for an ID when buying stuff at the grocery store. It feels soo good. Like, it makes you feel youthful and fabulous. It is the most amazing compliment for a relatively old guy.

On the other side:

I bought a book and the store clerk put two flyers between it. I thought it was a nice gesture, maybe the flyers are for something good. Later when I got home and looked at the flyers I was flabbergasted, I was dumbfounded by finding out one of the flyers was for a discount on school supplies for kids, and the other one for a kids’ haircut.

I must have looked like a dad to her. I wondered – was it my dad bod, my receding hairline, or some other feature that got me stamped as a father and possibly interested in those kinds of flyers?

Those ridiculous, insulting pieces of paper flew straight to the trash.

I hope the next experience of this kind will be someone asking for my ID again.

I am constantly tired. Constantly lacking energy. Sometimes I am just lying down somewhere, just being there, unable to move at all.

I want to get up, to do something, but I just can’t. I can’t move my body. It doesn’t respond to my will. I am just so tired.

To get out of there, I have developed a trick.

I will start by focusing on moving a finger. I’m not trying to get up, I’m just trying to move my finger a teensy bit – to get out the complete stillness that has enveloped my body.

After I have managed to wiggle my pinky finger, I can use the momentum to add movement to the other fingers, to the hand. Eventually the wave of movement will move up my arm and to the rest of my body, and I can break out of the stone statue spell.

I have realized that the same finger-moving trick applies to other situations too.

Is there something to do – but it is hard, insurmountably hard to get it done?

Just don’t have mental nor physical resources for it?

Well, start with the smallest of actions. Do just a little bit. And the momentum of starting it will carry you on from there.

It will still be hard, but it will get done.

Or at least progress a bit.

Got any tricks of your own for getting things done? Let me know, I sure could use them.

Sometimes when you read (or watch) something that makes you feel really strong emotions, you feel weird for days after finishing it.

You feel weird mentally, you feel weird physically.

There’s this strange tightness in your body, like the essence of the thing you read has permeated your whole physical being.

All the things around you remind you of some details from the literary piece.

You can’t read anything else, because nothing else would compare. Reading something else would be akin to sacrilege toward that one masterpiece.

But in a few days, the feeling fades.

And you set out, hungry for more, looking for another story that can make you the same again.

Those kinds of literary works are the best.

(I read some random Korean comic that I liked)